This topic is one I’ve struggled with, not because I doubt the truth of it but because I’d rather do what satisfies me in the moment. I’ve been gluttonous, only to find myself in great physical discomfort shortly after. I’ve been selfish, only to feel guilty later. I’ve allowed spiritual pollutants in, only to find myself scared, uneasy and/or angry for minutes, hours or even days after.
And that is where I find myself now, at 2:55 in the morning. There is a movie trailer out right now that drew me in; based on the short clips I knew in my heart I’d never see this film. But I felt compelled to discover the plot line of this book-turned-movie. So this afternoon, I went searching for information and found it. From that moment on, my insides have been in turmoil and presently, I’m wide awake. Now, I know myself pretty well and I know what gives me peace and what robs me of my peace. This particular movie may not have been an issue for you. But for me, I knew there was to be no reward at the other end of my search.
So why do I do these things to myself? It is an age old question. Just look at what Paul said in Romans 7:15, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”
There are so many areas of our lives that this can hold true: finances, thoughts, time, daily decisions… The list goes on and on. But the truth of the matter is that God will bless us when we give our struggles over to Him and trust Him. Just this week I saw the reality of this, yet how quickly I forget!
I don’t have any brilliant answers to this ongoing struggle. All I can do is confess that I’ve sinned, as Paul did, and pray that the Holy Spirit would empower me to resist these temptations in the future.