It has been an odd summer and in all honesty, if feels like it’s just an odd season of life. I’m not sure where I am supposed to be, what I should be doing or how I should be doing things. I’ve been struggling with feelings of failure. My life feels very small and insignificant.
I’m going to be 31 later this month and I can’t help but thinking, how did I get here? I feel like I should be turning 25-26. Even 28 would be okay! 11,323 days. Where have all those days gone? What do I have to show for them? I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it.
Now here’s where I have a choice: do I stay here, overwhelmed, depressed and defeated or do I challenge myself to use my next 11,323 days to really live?
I want to live. Yes, life has not cooperated with my timeline but that doesn’t mean I just give up. There is a reason why I was created. I have a purpose. And every day I have the choice to embrace that or to sit mindlessly before the tv, counting down the hours.
Life is a journey, an adventure to be taken. It requires endurance. Some days it is exhausting and discouraging but I can’t stop there. I need to get up and keep going. For some of us, this journey is more mentally or physically taxing than it is for others. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.
A year ago I made a list of 30 goals for my 30th year, and let me tell you, I failed pretty miserably. This was one of the hardest years of my life. So this year, I have just one goal: LIVE. I don’t mean just eating and drinking and moving to preserve this physical body. I’m talking about what it means to endure the hard times and fully revel in the beauty of the adventure I have been given.
So here we go, 31. Bring on the adventures. May I make this a year of living.